viernes, 19 de febrero de 2016

Post lunático #6


I would give everything up, for sure. 
I would leave everything behind. 
Would I? 
Do I care anymore?

Over the last couple of months I have learnt how people can change, grow up and grow apart. And how life can suddenly turn into a torture. Because it is. I could say with no doubt, I’m going through hell right now. 
I don’t see the point of living, I can’t seem to find it anymore. I have lost lots of things, and I’m watching quietly how some of the most beautiful things I built patiently everyday are falling down. The castle I built, filled with dreams, expectations, and plans.
I don’t know if I care anymore, I don´t know if life is worth the pain. Maybe I am focusing on the wrong details or following the wrong direction, but I can’t find the way.
I built that fucking castle every single day. I filled it with dreams, expectations and plans. I wake up every single day to a messy room and a messy day. A miserable one.
God, sometimes I feel so miserable. I feel like I’m trapped in this reality for life, like I have to pay for everyone of my sins, like I am in a prison.
It’s like I have a voice in my head telling me what to do, telling me to obsess over small things, telling me that everything I do is wrong. Some days I realice I’m being happy and I’m having a good day. Then silence comes. The voice starts talking.
“Here’s this simple thing you could do to feel bad the rest of the day. Do it. Do it now. You’ll feel terrible and I’ll enjoy it.”

I don’t want to suffer anymore. I wanna take a break from all of this negativity and sadness.
I’m broken inside. Life sucks sometimes.

Sometimes I feel a knot in my throat and my chest, and I can’t breathe.

I know I have to do something about it, I have to try and make every day count. I have to surround myself with positive people and ignore toxic people. I know I have to do all this things but it’s easier said than done. 

I’ll give myself the time to heal and find the way. I have to get trough it all. I have to focus on the present and live step by step.

1 comentarios:

  1. There is no sense of life, even though you deem to delve it. Yet, build it. God is a good help, pain-reliever. My name is Oscar Gamez, your follower at YouTube.